Marriage Mojo: Have an Affair, Keep Secrets, Ask 'Ol Padnah

I’ve been speaking to several moms groups lately on their Mama Mojo....that sparkle and sass we women have as single chicks on the prowl.  (Do you remember?  When we are looking  for someone to marry and then under-appreciate for the rest of our lives? Or for five years, or ten years or however long our marriage makes it.)  

Definitely need some MOJO here!
It is universal that growing up and maturing, neck wrinkles and children drain our mojo.  It is hard to ‘spark' on little sleep, zilch in the privacy department (Helloooo! I often pee with someone standing against my knees for pity’s sake!)  Whether you have children of any age your focus is not on yourself and that leaves little in the way of ME TIME. How can we get some mojo when we do not have time to take a real shower?

Then there is that husband of ours.  The wonder and excitement of dating is gone.  Sometimes way too soon.  I might have laughed a bit too hard in the movie “This is 40” when he is farting in bed during a serious conversation.  Not because of my husband, either.  (Yup.  I am not such a dainty flower...SURPRISE! Right. You knew this huh?)  We both do it.  Isn’t that familiarity part of the joy of marriage?  What?  No?  Just us?  UGH.
Darling but draining?
I like ACTION.  My hubs charged last night that I set rules for myself all the time.  Dieting, lifestyle, bible study, motherhood.  He said I should consider guidelines instead.  I think he is right, but I also think it won’t matter what I call them unless they result in CHANGE.  ACTIONS.  I can read every book and blog and talk until I am sick of myself...but I have one life.  

ONE LIFE...and it could be short.  

Here is a list of things you can DO to Ignite your Mojo (Mama or otherwise) and stir up some freshness for your marriage.  Pick one, do them all, PLEASE share yours. 

Off the couch and OUTSIDE!

  1. Have an Affair:  with your husband. Choose to actively pay attention to him when he speaks like you did when you were dating.  It matters.  Make an effort with your appearance most days.  "A man is more interested in a woman who is interested in him, than a woman with beautiful legs.” -Marlene Dietrich.  Women want love, men want respect.  Choose to respect that man of yours or he might become someone else’s.
  2. Light Candles: Even with your family at breakfast.  It is unexpected which charges up everybody’s mojo.  Even cereal is special with a few votives. Make the effort.
  3. Surprise Him:  Take him on a surprise date to a place neither of you have gone.  John & I are going to start picking new restaurants for our date nights.  The novelty of newness creates  excitement and a bond of adventure.  Or maybe we just like food too much?
  4. Have drinks:  One of our best dates was a quiz from my hubby.  He called me from work and asked if I wanted Red or White, Fast or Slow, Hot or Cold.  I bet you are curious huh?  They were sections of our date night.  The first was type of pre dinner cocktail, the second was fast or slow food, hot or cold determined where we had dessert.  I was intrigued and thrilled.  The best was we had a drink together at a bar before we went elsewhere for dinner!  Like when I was single and carefree...we certainly do not go more than one place now, what with car seats and unpacking diaper bags and such.  IT was AWESOME.  And it was six months ago and I STILL smile over it.
  5. Do Your RESEARCH:  There are tons of sites and books with dating ideas so do some research. You only need one idea to get excited.  Like this one from Dating Divas, or This Pinterest board, or This Stronger Marriage blog.
  6. Give Up Your Expectations:  Delight yourself first so if your spouse doesn’t react all a titter your feelings aren’t hurt.  My hubs was less than tickled last night when I got in the driver’s seat.  I was taking him to a surprise restaurant.  He doesn’t like my driving and it wasn’t the best way to start our date off.  Would he act that way if we were dating?  NOPE. But I was prepared for it and took it in stride.
  7. Book a Hotel: Yes, seriously.  ESPECIALLY if you have kidlets.  Sex ain’t the same in your boring old house anywhere near those precious offspring.  Book a hotel room.  Cheap or otherwise.  Skip dinner and spend the moolah on a room.  Peanut butter sandwiches for dinner never tasted so good.  Or Papa John’s $10 pizza.  (Afterwards tho.  You know, bloating and all that.)
  8. Try a Challenge:  This caught my eye too!  "15 Ways to Flirt with Your Husband" part of 29 Ways to Great Sex series I will be reading and ACTING on.  Soon.  Probably.
  9. Now Try a REAL CHALLENGE:  Sign up for dance lessons, register to run a 5K together, Share a personal trainer.  YMCA and other gyms offer childcare, so USE IT!  We did a Couch to 5K training class together as our anniversary present to each other. We are still running.  Mostly.
  10. Stop. Look. Kiss. :  I swore I would always kiss my man when we got home from work. Then I actually got married, had the kiddos, and had to make dinner.  The “Life is a Musical” action of running to the door for a smooch when he gets home ain’t happening.  But I am trying again to stop.  To LOOK at this man who loves me.  To KISS him longer than a peck.  Of course with such fine romantic modeling before them, my little girls now also cup his face in their hands to kiss him.  Uhhh...Well?
  11. Don’t UNLOAD!:  I am so stoked to see my husband at the end of the day and tell him all about how hard my day was to be sure he knows I worked too.  I’m trying not to do this.  He can’t hear me amid the din of the littles and it only adds to his stress.  I choose to smile at him most of the time, and dinner is usually ready.  Maybe I should add a cocktail or appetizer for him?  Hmmm.
  12. Keep Secrets:  You do not need to know everything about your husband, he doesn’t need to know everything about you.  Like the stuff you might not share while dating--your bad mood, body ailments, insecurities.  I need to work on this. I feel entitled to know every detail of his daily life, his thought life.  I want transparency...but that can kill intimacy too.  John won’t notice my new neck wrinkles if I stop pointing them out.   I don’t need to point out little annoyances to or about him.  I think it is called ‘maintaining some mystery’.  They only thing I do is close the bathroom door to maintain mystery.  I might need to reach a little bigger.  
  13. Ask ol Padnah:  I am doing a Beth Moore bible study on  Controlling Yourself and it talked today about LOVE.  About the best marriage advice to pray God helps you to thrill at each other’s touch and grow more desirable daily.  What a simple and effective prayer that is.  How deeply needed after even a few years of marriage and parenting.  I also love the "Power of the Praying Wife” books by Stormie Omartien, they are NOT what you think!
  14. Pamper Yourself:  If you do not romance yourself, you can’t romance your husband.  Take care of your body. Make time for your beauty.  Learn new things for your brain.  Go new places to eat, walk, read, learn, meet new friends.  If you aren’t interested in life, you won’t be interesting either.
  15. Spend less time: Online, watching TV, looking at your phone, reading magazines.  Actors living fake lives in 30 minute increments will always be fascinating.  They are paid to be fascinating.  Engage in YOUR REAL LIFE. If you don’t like your real life...take action to change yourself, in turn your life will change.

No comments: