Valparaiso Landscaping? Choose Horses!


Not every landscaping company would rake the whirly birds out of your garden bed before throwing mulch down.  I wouldn't even do it myself....then again we have already established me to be a bit lazy leisurely with my life outlook.

When we moved to Valparaiso and had a HUGE water pipe in the front yard replaced our front yard was shredded.  I actually cried it was so ugly.  And soooo in our front yard.  FRONT. YARD.  I was prego and had a little person already so I sure as heck wouldn't be up to the task, what with my leisurely life outlook and all. So we needed a landscaper.  A cheap one.  


We didn't find the cheap one.  We found THE BEST LANDSCAPER IN NW INDIANA.  Horses.  Funny name, awesome options. I mentioned them in my list for reasons I love Valparaiso post!  My Realtor,  Mitch Harris suggested them.  He said they were "kind of expensive" but very good.  He was so right.  Except they aren't all that expensive.  Lets face it, being lazy is going to cost you.  If you, like me do not want to dig up rooted grass, shovel dirt go buy mulch and topsoil and pour sweat for days on end while trying not to go into labor or have the toddler run into the street....you want to pay for the work to be done.


I called Horses Landscaping and for $55 (flat fee or as a partial deposit for the work based on property size) they come out, survey the yard, draw up a plan(sample in color below) including plantings, decorations whatever you talk about. 




Erica is the mastermind there.  She gave me all the information on what kind of plantings should go in the low shady areas etc.  On a gorgeous map.  She taught me not to line both sides of my walk with the same thing because it is boring...to change things from side to side so the eye moves over the space and gets....I don't know, more entertainment?  I have totally followed that rule.  She was so gracious with our budget and even shared with me where to buy good plants for less money. Even though she sells them too.  And makes her livelihood from doing the installation. I wish I could have had her sell me all the things she suggested and plant them too just so I could spend more time with her.  


Since we were on a budget we didn't buy plants.  Well we bought one super cook and funky "Harry Potter" plant.  I guess it is supposed to be called something else....riddle to you....what?  They put in the beds, shaped them gave us a gorgeous map of what we could or should plant where and why and we were VERY PLEASED. 

And have you seen their happy trucks? I mean RIDICULOUS HAPPY TRUCKS.  I think we can pay extra to get those parked out in front of our house for a longer period of time.  AMAZING fun, and I think I forgot to ask what inspired all that artwork...but it certainly stands out, just like their landscaping. Seriously. The little touches they do like raking the mulch beds first....such attention to detail is why the finished job stands out.


George and "the guys" do most of the other labor and planning.  And they are awesome.  This year we had them reseed our patchy back yard (thanks to our 86 pound dog Steve....taking it out of his allowance.) and put down new mulch and pull out a monster fence post  thingie.  They were great, especially when the grass needed additional soil and seed put down a month later.  George blamed me, saying I overwatered and washed the seed away, I say he deliberately missed spots so they could keep coming back to see me and receive good natured sparring.  Neither of us is right but we think we are awfully funny.) George is VERY funny and dry with his humor..I don't suppose most of you will get that special treatment, we did pay extra for attitude.  


Call Horse's Landscaping for a free estimate or a $50 plan you can do yourself.  They are excellent, fast, entertaining and so knowledgeable....I would love to see pictures of the work too!Ask for the "Attitude Package", and tell them Lazy Heather sent you.  Actually you might get attitude for free along with Horse's gorgeous detailed well priced landscape jobs: Lucky You!


p.s. NOTE:  This ain't no sponsored post either.  In fact I bet I will get charged MORE now since my friends will call and hire Horses Landscaping too and George and Erica will have to put up with all of you fabulous sassy folks.  OOPS.

Friday Haiku Challenge: Trashy (and delicious) Box Wine


Haiku Challenge Friday?  Let's have some brain gym fun!


A Haiku is a three line poem with 5 syllables the first line, 7 syllables the second line and 5 again for the last line. 

My Dad is a BIG Haiku guy, he loves them and many of us have encouraged him to publish them in a book. I do it randomly and rarely but always enjoy the process. It usually starts with an idea or a moment in life I want to capture.

Haiku Challenge participants...just write your haiku in the comments of the relevant post!

Please email me a Haiku Challenge if you would like to be a Guest Challenger. Include the challenge word and your starting Haiku poem.

Here is this week's challenge Haiku:
box wine is trashy
my Dad brings it here, "Oh Well!"
can't let it go bad.....


Your challenge word to use in your haiku is : trashy

Let's hear your haiku!

Craftastic: Hobby Horses from Clutter

Would your kids love an ugly hobby horse made from random stuff  you have lying around? 


I love my Mind Organization for Moms system! Today as I did my weekly review, I remembered I am supposed to post this crafty craft.  Aren't you lucky?



I was thumbing through my AWESOME Parenting magazine a few weeks ago and saw a hobby horse like this.

I loved it so much I looked it up immediately to buy two.

They. Were. $40.

Really, not bad for the beauty and quality, but it wasn't going to fit our budget.  At. All.

If you can swing that, say you only have one kid, you are a grandparent, etc, PLEASE look at all her gorgeousness on Manely Recycled on Etsy.


So in the same 'buy from a real person instead of a company' vein, I searched Etsy for hobby horses.  I found some GREAT ones...and THIS ONE from Jekki Lu made of socks for about $25.  Now this seller used nice horse colored socks, horse like colored yarn etc....but she probably isn't an impatient only child like me.  Or lazy like me, wanting to use what might already be at hand.  Plus she is trying to have people actually buy them, unlike me where I am just inflicting them upon my unsuspecting toddlers.

Here is what I started with:

One old sad sock way stuffed.


A second sock, well on it's way to becoming a hobby horse.


My awesome Dad whittled the bark off of two sturdy sticks, but they still would have been good un- whittled....so don't be jealous of my whittling Dad.


Baby socks folded and hand sewn on.  Yup creative like that.  Plus baby socks are stinkin' cute. 


The only thing I bought was buttons for the eyes.  If I was super crafty I would have had felt or some such.  Buttons could be chokeable....ahhh.


They were UGLY.  And beautiful.  I was proud and they played with them and the world was as it should be:  HAPPY &  FREE!





Haiku Challenge Friday: Real Cake Vs...


Haiku Challenge Friday?  Let's have some brain gym fun!


A Haiku is a three line poem with 5 syllables the first line, 7 syllables the second line and 5 again for the last line. 

My Dad is a BIG Haiku guy, he loves them and many of us have encouraged him to publish them in a book. I do it randomly and rarely but always enjoy the process. It usually starts with an idea or a moment in life I want to capture.

Haiku Challenge participants...just write your haiku in the comments of the relevant post!

Please email me a Haiku Challenge if you would like to be a Guest Challenger. Include the challenge word and your starting Haiku poem.

Here is this week's challenge Haiku:
Cake Challenge HURRAY!
box food has too many words
from scratch is better

Your challenge word to use in your haiku is : cake

Let's hear your haiku!

Whoops! (EXCUSE ME...) I Yarn Bombed

So I heard about this thing: Yarn Bombing?  I don't remember when, within the past year I guess.






Then an anonymous friend mentioned it again a few months ago as in "I want to yarn bomb the Target red balls..." and I said "YES!"  We didn't.


Then Nothing.


Yesterday I found a Yarn Bombing book in the library and because of these two littles in my house I couldn't read more than one or two pages but I GOT IT.  Oh guys I got the fever for the flavor of a YARN BOMBING.   I had this scrap wrap/scarf thing I had been adding purple leftovers to: 




And Monday night was knitting night at Blackbird Cafe.


And I went.  And I bombed.  






It might be illegal?  OR maybe noone cares.  I truly hope my little whimsy is still there and that others add to it.   


I will strike again.  Wanna come along?


I mean, a girl can only crochet so many ugly hats, floppy bags and granny blankets, right?  


Yarn Bombing.  This might be my new geocaching.


YEP.

Friday Haiku Challenge:


Haiku Challenge Friday?  Let's have some brain gym fun!


A Haiku is a three line poem with 5 syllables the first line, 7 syllables the second line and 5 again for the last line. 

My Dad is a BIG Haiku guy, he loves them and many of us have encouraged him to publish them in a book. I do it randomly and rarely but always enjoy the process. It usually starts with an idea or a moment in life I want to capture.

Haiku Challenge participants...just write your haiku in the comments of the relevant post!

Please email me a Haiku Challenge if you would like to be a Guest Challenger. Include the challenge word and your starting Haiku poem.

Here is this week's challenge Haiku:
my husband took me 
on a date, creative and fun
how I love that man!


Your challenge word to use in your haiku is : creative

Let's hear your haiku!

We Shined and it is Over: "Listen to Your Mother" Show

Memorial Opera House Stage


It is over.  Our "Listen to Your Mother "Show is over.  


But is it ever over?  I know being a mama never ends.  Someone reminded me of that in Target yesterday.  "Oh, you will always be a mother, even when they are grown!" The woman behind me in line said.  


That is all we were doing on stage:  Being Mamas.  And daughters.  And sisters and friends.  All we did was share five minutes of what that looks like for us. Just words from our heart and tears and laughter onto a page then out of our mouths into a megaphone.  We only told our lives, and our light shined for every audience member.  


I just couldn't get my perfect picture with Stephanie!
Sitting in the audience, listening to each woman again I loved and laughed and cried through their pieces anew.  I was affirmed and encouraged and grateful each of us got the chance to stand on that stage and tell our little story.  Some of us had big stories, dark and painful and needing to be known.  Some of us just laughed through parenting highs and lows.  


We gave ourselves permission to be real, in return inviting our audience to do the same.  Nobody is perfect we said.  We all make mistakes (and look how hilarious they are!) we said.  If this happened to me, maybe it also happened to you? we said. 


Julia Huisman and Stephanie Hauser getting "more" beautiful


Last weekend as I had a holy moment in the holiest seat in our house I found this devotional for May 10th; the night of our "Listen to Your Mother" Show:


Light Shines Through Cracked Pots

"Let not those who wait and hope and look for You, o Lord of hosts, be put to shame through me;  let not those who seek and inquire You (as their vital necessity) be brought to confusion and dishonor through me, O God of Israel."     Psalm 69:6

Everyone is like a pot that carries life.  But not everyone carries a presence that blesses others.  Religion tries to force people to follow laws to make them perfect, like pots without cracks.  But if a light is put within a flawless pot and then covered, no one is able to see the light inside the pot.  Perfect pots are not able to reveal  internal light to illumine the way for others.  God chooses to shine through imperfect, cracked pots.  People are blessed when our cracked pots let the light of Jesus shine through. 
Choose to be a glory filled cracked pot rather than an empty, pretty vessel.

This is from May 10th and was in "Starting Your Day Right"  by Joyce Meyer.  I shared part of it before the show to encourage our cast that showing their cracks to our audience also shows them our light.  


And we do have such light.  Each woman was beautiful and light as they spoke.  Each one had beautiful details, cracks and blessed the rest of us with her words.


Beth Fletcher and Katy Hoagland, Sparkling STARS!
I was so bummed during the last two readings knowing it was ending. I know we will get together for breakfast or something like last year's cast.  There will be emails.  But for all intents and purposes it is over and I am a little lost. I hope our director Stephanie Precourt and the entire cast and Ann Imig who started it all knows how much this meant to me.  Thank you, each of you for daring to do this for every mother.


Judy Miller and June Saavedra indulge the paparazzi


Listen to Your Mother is over now for our cast.  
And light, light is shining through my cracks.  


I hope it helps brighten someone else's day.  


Happy Mother's Day, All!

What I Wore Wednesday: Accessories! Before and After Pics

Kathy Friend, my personal fashion guru once rescued me from myself with a measuring tape.


Oh Yeah.  She measured me.  Sounds scary huh?


My question was how to spruce up my momiform of T-shirt, cardigan and jeans....other than scarves which I already used and jewelry which at the time I did not use.  Now that my neck has started to get *AHEM* "character"... 


NOTE:  If I didn't love Jesus so much there would be a string of profanity here, fyi. 


... I use LOTS of jewlery and sometimes a whirligig hat just to distract from it's  joke telling. "Hey!  did you hear the one about the lady with the young smooth neck skin?  Bwahahaha! That is HISTORY.  Try a turtleneck!"


Kathy measured me and said I was an hourglass.  I think I went on and on about that here.  It has changed how I shop and what I try on for the better.  As far as that goes....I mean, I am still no fashionista!  She has a great article today on freshening up your mom look.  Just in time for Mother's Day, thanks Kathy!


The article inspired me to FINALLY post this little ditty on accessories, which I used to frown upon.  Forgive the turtleneck, I did this last season...obviously.  It still tells a tale, so read on. 


The story is a dirty hair day and an easy yet unflattering updo.



Usually I would stop here.  Now that I am older and using whatever I've got to look better, I added another layer of sweater jacket, earrings and then.....


 I also added a scarf.  OOH!  And a sparkly pin!  I learned that scarf tying configuration from my awesome SIL Michelle.  (HI Michelle!)  The pin was all me.  


 Even with the poor picture quality I think it is OBVIOUS how much depth and style a few things can offer even the good ol stay at home mama.  I even look happier, right?


I have started wearing some nicer things on normal days like today...a ruffled blouse and linen jacket...why?  Because I feel special dressing up a little more even if I am not going anywhere.  And because I haven't really done laundry this week. Truth.


I would love to see your fashion before and afters.  Aren't pictures GREAT?  


(Even bad pictures?)

TRK: Bittman Shrimp Toast + Vegan Twixy Bars!


I haven't been snapping pics in the Tiny Red Kitchen for a bit, a while back I made super divine and rich Shrimp Toast from Mark Bittman's Book "Kitchen Express".  This was my first book of his and still my favorite.  Each recipe is a paragraph long with a 'pinch of this' and 'a few of those' as directions....EXACTLY how I like to cook, so if you HAVE TO HAVE measurements, mebbe not your book.  Or it could be freeing for you....check it out.

Hygienic application of the beaters?
Of course I made my Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day...or was this the day I made real kneaded French Bread?  Hmmm....here it is. NOPE it was real French bread from Yvonne Young Tarr's "Bread and Soup" book.  YEAH.  

THIS is how you make BREAD?


Hearty but still Frenchy....


On to the Bittman recipe:  

Sesame Shrimp Toasts
Heat the oven to 475 degrees F. Slice a baguette in half lengthwise, put the halves face up on a baking sheet, and set them in the oven while it heats. Put shrimp (about 20) in a food processor with some butter, scallions, soy sauce (about 2 tsp), a few drops of sesame oil (about 1/2 tsp), and a pinch each of sugar and salt. Pulse until the mixture forms a chunky paste. Smear the shrimp past all over the bread and sprinkle with sesame seeds. Bake until the shrimp paste is pink and cooked through and the bread is crisp, about 10-15 minutes. Cool a bit, then cut up and serve with a salad.

That is it!  Fabulous huh?  I love his simplicity....some of my finer dishes have come from his files. Plus he is really into whole foods like we are.

Food processor for the shrimp toast paste....OH!





 The Shrimp paste was so fragrant and gorgeous.  There are no pictures of the finished yum, we ate it tooooooo fast.  Sorry.  Definitely not a professional over here,

On to DESSERT!  

I shared these with a few friends just yesterday...and even the folks I mentioned them to wanted the recipe!



So the bad news is:  There are no pictures of the Twixy bars!  The good news is:  There are no pictures of the Twixy Bars, they were ugly and we ate em up soooo fast. They did taste like an upgrades Twix bar...even with the dates standing in for CARAMEL!  I am often disappointed by the healthy recipes....not this one.  INCREDIBLE and EASY.


You can find the amazing simple practically healthy recipe on the Bicycling Vegan Blog.  I didn't have the cool silicone baker jobber so I just pressed the doughish stuff flat on half of a greased cookie sheet.  That worked fine, but when I cut them apart etc it made for messy chocolate application....darn it.  Had to lick a lot of fingers and utensils.  *big dramatic faux put upon sigh* 


I had very thin 'crust' and thick non vegan chocolate.  


Ingredients:


Makes 8 twix-y bars

INGREDIENTS

1 c dates + water for soaking 
1/2 t vanilla 
1/4 c + 1 T agave 
2 t almond oil (or any kind you have - almond is just a good oil for desserts)
1 T almond mylk (or your favorite) 
1 c whole wheat flour 
3/4 - 1 c chocolate chips 


Find the details at her website "Bicycling Vegan: This Vegan Life"


They were ugly and GONE.  I will update with pictures when I make 'em again.  Until then, enjoy her pictures. 

Listen To Your Mother Show is THIS WEEK!

Oh you guys, I am so excited this week! 


The Listen to Your Mother show is happening THURSDAY.


If you haven't heard me babble on about it...the show is one of ten national independent productions of Listen to Your Mother, a group of area writers reading their pieces on the beauty, beast and barely rested of Motherhood.  I read a version of a NPR & speaking  piece "Reluctant Motherhood" in the show last year which you can watch here.  


This year I am doing "Nightmare After Midnight" about my struggle to parent well in the middle of the night.  (Or at least stay out of the news for my parenting in the middle of the night.)  Though I love my work, my truth, my authenticity....just like last year my little part pales in comparison to the pain, the joy, the bravery and the journeys of the other women speaking.  Some are mamas, some are daughters, all tell a rich story I cannot wait to hear again.  While laughing and crying and celebrating life.






We were in the paper this Sunday...above the fold whoo hoo!  You can read the fabulous quotes here and see the least flattering newspaper pic I have ever taken too.  I am so much thinner and smarter in real life.  Right?


I know it is happening soon because I have started getting the hourly(creative license with the truth here) emails from our passionately energetic director Stephanie Precourt.  If she isn't emailing us or Tweeting about LTYM she is posting about it on her blog!  I am SO GRATEFUL to God for bringing Stephanie into my life.  I am changed from meeting her in many ways.  I blogged and radio'd about her here.


This show is so special because it gives everyone, not just mamas, permission to be real and honest about the good bad and ugly of parenting.    


If you have a story to tell, start writing it up now to audition for next year.  Even if your piece doesn't fit into the show, the creative process can be encouraging.  The show only tells a few stories.  Each one of us has precious valuable tales to tell....we matter.


If you want to bless a woman in your life take her to see Listen to Your Mother show, or give her a pair of tickets to take someone else.  She will thank you for it. BIGTIME.  


Listen To Your Mother Northwest Indiana is Thursday May 10 at 7PM. Tickets are available at the Memorial Opera House box office and online

Freaked Out by Sex: Is Maxim Magazine Porn?



Yeah, I went there.

You see I am plumper, older, and more.....ahhhh.....I dunno...than I used to be in my wild and sexy younger days.  I am starting to realize as I slip into my forties that our parents weren't uptight....they were just mature.  Like trees.  Taller and bigger with wrinkly bark....UGH.

So when we started getting an accidental and free subscription to Maxim Magazine, I was upset.  Was I upset because as a mother and "grown up" I am now insecure about my body, my looks, my sexuality?  Was I upset because I am slipping a tad more conservative lifestyle around my shoulders now that I am a parent?  Was I worried my husband would be enjoying the magazine a bit much?

There is sex everywhere....Baptists are doing it, Catholics, Atheists, Agnostics...even the Methodists are doing it every third Wednesday and if it is their birthday.  We thrill at sex in any form: scandal, gossip, models too thin, skirts too short and sexy song lyrics.  Humans LOVE SEX and they should.  It is a wonderful thing God gave us.

BUT.


Sometimes I need help remembering to be wilder and more carefree in general.  like this article on sexting....wonder if the husband would like it?  I marked the page, hmmmm.  (HI HONEY!!!)

I used to validate my worth through my sexuality.  I think lots of women do at any age.  It is fascinating to be older, more relaxed and to look back at how I behaved when I was younger...how I felt then vs. how I feel now.  I learn from mistakes and so I do not regret my choices as much as I could...I hope to teach my daughters to value themselves from the get go.  Sex is SO AWESOME I do not want them to waste it fumbling around with someone who doesn't make their entire life better.

I love God and I try to live well to honor him and thank him for all the ridiculously big blessings in my life.  I write that so you know, because it might not be outwardly evident, what with the box wine playdates, cussing, or hollering at my precious kiddos and liberal views and all.  I know He gave us sex to enjoy with our spouses, but it can be tricky living a God centered life and feeling frisky at the same time.  How exactly to you mix sex and church?  It doesn't fit...right???

So I have this big rich varied and "mature" sexuality packaged inside somebody's mama now.  Weird.  It can be a bummer to see that makeup isn't optional now for me to feel beautiful...I now wear it as much as I didn't wear it in my twenties.  A pushup bra isn't for sexy anymore, it is to keep my nursed-two-babies breasts above my elbows.  My skirts are longer...not because I do not like to flash a little leg, but because nobody wants to see what is above my knee nowadays. Not even me.  Do not get me wrong, I love who I am.  I choose to love my body and what it can do, and I am pretty foxy in lingerie and candlelight.  But this Maxim magazine.....makes me blush.  And think.

Seeing nineteen year old models in their lingerie?  I guess truly no one needs to see that more than gentlemen over forty, right?  Although it makes me feel a bit insecure, I do find myself reading every issue.  Cover to cover.  And I can pull out insecure feelings any time: Standing next to a polished, gorgeous woman in my moms' group, admiring other bloggers who are just. plain. precious. beautiful like  her and her and her!....insecurity isn't directly related to the stimulus, is it?

My husband has offered to get rid of the magazine since he never ordered it in the first place.  He both called and emailed but it still keeps showing up.  We decided it came bundled with his Football Guys stuff.  Grin if you want, tell us how we got it if you know.  We have received it for several years now.

Tough Mudder Obstacle Race was a cool article

There is usually something offensive to me in every issue, but here's the thing:  I want to keep Maxim in our bathroom magazine rack!  It is kind of pornish.  Maybe I need that conflict in this season of life.  With little kids climbing all over me during the day, my husband and I too drained by the end of our days to climb all over each other, this magazine serves us both well.  I am reminded to feel sexy, to be sexy when I read it.  It helps me remember my young and careless days of barhopping and fights with boyfriends and sexier clothes.

They have great articles *snickers allowed* like a hilariously vulgar article my husband and I died over together that inspired me to email them, thanking them for the laugh. I told them that as the Mama of two babies under three their magazine was sometimes the only sex we had.   I enjoy reading Maxim  now because it adds spice to my maturity and reminds me that I can tuck away my own naughty Intern "Office Assistant", "Woman with a Tool" and cover model.  Though maybe my efforts with "Blender Babe" or "Vaccum Vixen" should be tabled?


Yeah, I know we do not want our daughters getting the idea women have to look like that to be beautiful, save your breath, we are all over it.  They are little right now and we aren't worrying about that today.  There are plenty of worries and stresses in our wonderfully full rich life as a family of four.  We aren't going to borrow trouble or worry just yet.




(Besides they have a somewhat helpful and offensively hilarious Mothers Day Gift Guide, who doesn't need that? Sad what HOTPANTS have become!)
 I want the Birchbox deal....$10 a month?...YES PLEASE!  I might just buy it for myself.....Thanks Maxim!

So...back to Maxim.  We still get the magzine.  You know who reads it first? When you come to my house, you can find the latest issue tucked behind the Parenting Magazine,  Good Housekeeping, and Gardening catalogues. Flip through it when you are on the can.  Have some laughs, kindle some memories of your younger days and take that fire right on home with you.  Like the naughty Maxim magazine, us mamas can have some fun tucked away behind our good housekeeping too!

Friday Haiku Challenge: Snapfish Photo Books


Haiku Challenge Friday?  Let's have some brain gym fun!


A Haiku is a three line poem with 5 syllables the first line, 7 syllables the second line and 5 again for the last line. 

My Dad is a BIG Haiku guy, he loves them and many of us have encouraged him to publish them in a book. I do it randomly and rarely but always enjoy the process. It usually starts with an idea or a moment in life I want to capture.

Haiku Challenge participants...just write your haiku in the comments of the relevant post!

Please email me a Haiku Challenge if you would like to be a Guest Challenger. Include the challenge word and your starting Haiku poem.

Here is this week's challenge Haiku:
Snapfish for photos
my Mother's Day Book is done.
Sponsor of our show!

Your challenge word to use in your haiku is : Snapfish

Let's hear your haiku!

Mixing Martinis, Cloth Diapering and Sir Mixalot's "Baby Got Back"....or not...over at Mumbling Mommy today!

Yes, yes, I am going to post the cake debate post.  I have a lot of info to assimilate, so you cake fiends will just have to wait a bit longer.


Does this cloth diaper make my butt look big?  WAHHHHHH! 


In the meantime, come visit me at Mumbling Mommy Blog to read four posts on Hot Topic Tuesday on CLOTH DIAPERS!  There is a great debate for ya!


Pro and con thus entertaining, educational and useful.  You might recognize which post is mine:


"Why a Martini Swilling Single Girl Grew Into a Cloth Diapering Mama"


(Feel free to sing along To "Baby's Got Back"...uh...kinda....)

I like big butts and I cannot lie....
you other mothers might deny
say you like tiny diapers 
for your little butt wipers
but I tell you cloths' the best!

BE CAUSE
there's no chemicals in anywhere
and baby's fanny sticks out to there
when they're waddling
you wanna laugh at them
but you don't want em pulling your hair

SOOOOO
I like big butts and I'll tell you why
cloth diapers make other folks cry
they think "No Way!" 
would they handle poop spray
but I'm gonna tell you try today...

BE CAUSE
You can save the big doll-ars
and  protect our Mother Earth
Your baby's butt is cute in her birthday suit
but nothing compares to skinny little legs
and that great big cloth diaper...

SO 

THERE.