I can really be a jerk at times. Don't laugh, you are a jerk too. Just this week I have been unreasonably unkind or used malevolent humor where a kind word would have been a better choice.
A great example is the quick spin to my Dad's house (now of Hoarder's fame) and I spy fifteen wine glasses sitting on his counter. This elicited the following exchange: "Gee Dad, when are those from?" I knew full well they were from his guys dinner part the previous Friday. The day in question was Tuesday. (Yup four days those dirty glasses sat on the counter....see why I gave him grief?) He sheepishly told me what he knew I already knew. "Friday." I snickered and then the right response crept into my mind: WASH THEM!
I had some time. Just washing a few glasses wasn't a big order. Dad was stunned when I offered and then he couldn't believe how fast they were finished and drying in the drain rack. I think it is fair to say I made his day, but mine was better too. Why hadn't I come to that solution faster, instead of harassing my Dad? (Well to be honest washing dishes wasn't as much fun as harassing him!)
The next offense was a while back with my wonderful husband. He got caught up at work and was leaving late, missing his workout time. We both tend to be pretty lazy and both of us create great excuses not to work out. I was looking forward to his return home post workout and had a vegetarian lasagna in the oven ready for us to enjoy in front of a movie. His gaffe meant that in order to encourage his workout to happen it cut into my time relaxing with him. He said he could just do a workout at home instead of the gym. I was selfish and annoyed...not realizing till we hung up the best way to support and encourage him was to keep him out of the house where our daughter or dog or pesky wife could easily hamper any workout attempt he might muster. I called back and suggested he go to the gym anyway, and we could relax together later. He got important stress relief, and I felt good helping him take care of himself for a change instead of me.
I wish I was a nicer person but that doesn't change who I am deep down. Deep down I'm the girl who will rib you mercilessly and then walk away. I can be cynical and critical even though I want to be sweet. To see a positive solution and offer to execute it is not second nature...but I am working on it.
How about you? Why do you think we prefer to crucify first and care later?