Poop Rant: What Had Better Not Have Happened

Talk about poopy diapers is overrated so please forgive me as I rant. (My hands are now clean, I promise.) Call it poopie to take the disgusting element out and make it cuter. Not cute enough if you ask any parent, but better. Poopie, doody, a mess, a stinky, a load, whatever we parents call it, it is NASTY. No one enjoys a poopy dipe, not even a figurative(or literal) Mother Theresa. The parenting books say to enjoy that diaper change time together. Yeah. So you don't make this face the whole time.

We use cloth dipes so THE POOPIE is even nastier because we get to play with it and do the poop gun, AKA diaper sprayer, on it. And wash it. A lot. But nasty poop clothes? TRASH CAN. Thank you very much. Here is the load my preciousness dropped today that I am ranting about:

Seriously? You thought I would inflict a poopy dipe picture on you? Good Lord no. But I will tell you What Better Not Have Happened in the event I have a poopsplosion to deal with. Share this with prospective new parents, your parents and partners. Make sure this NEVER happens when dealing with the brown stuff in your days.

If I am in the middle of decluttering our swamp of a family desk area

and my toddler is occupied with TV as a babysitter and the baby is going down for a nap and I am enjoying a conversation with my friend Lori, This Better Not Have Happened:

1) No one should have given us a darling purple baby sweater with teeny tiny itty bitty preshups buttons that cannot be unbuttoned quickly when poop is oozing. Everywhere. I will rip the sweater open to get it off and it will go in the trash. I will not even feel remorse. I will be too busy getting poop off of my hands. While I am at it, do not buy any baby clothes that have buttons on the BACK? Really? Babies lie on their back. Poor design. Do not do it.

2) No one should have removed the white dish tub we use to drop dirty dipes in while in the middle of a diaper change and neglected to replace it. Especially if our baby is ten months old and long enough to take up most of the changing table, thus guaranteeing their foot will kick into the pile of poo in the diaper at least once. (or three times). No, I cannot set the dipe on the floor, people. It is oozing and would get all over or our disgusting potty mouth dog would eat it. Yep. It happens. So you may understand my fury that the tub was in another room altogether. You know who you are. Your days are numbered, Pal.

3) No one should have left bath toys in the bath so that when I need to plunge our screaming crying more-than-ready-for-her-nap Cupcake Girl into the tub with poop multiplying on her random body locations by some sort of deranged magic I do not need to keep one hand on her while chucking toys I now hate utterly out of the tub and into the various corners of our usually serene bathroom.

4) Finally, no one should judge me that I gave the finally at last and for a moment clean and poop-free Cherub a bottle for her nap. I did nurse her to take the edge off the poor thing, but I had had enough closeness for this morning.

I am curious about YOUR worst parenting moments and advice you would like to share with the rest of us. We need it.


SuperMommySometimes said...

I love that "green living" is a tag for this post! haha... Oh, the poopies! P.S. I have those same bottles ;)

HeatherCurleeNovak said...

Welllll it is green living, right? Hey if I get to play with POOPY cloth dipes I want the credit for it! Aren't the bottles great? NO LEAK!

SuperMommySometimes said...

It IS green living, indeed! I have three cloth wipes myself (I got them as a free sample!), but I just never got around to actually buying more of them lol... so you get mucho, mucho credit :)

liz said...

Chucking toys out of the bathtub!! ROFL! How I remember THOSE days! I finally bought a "net" that used suction cubs to hang on the wall of the tub. Boys knew that whatever toys weren't in there got chucked in the garbage can.

Adventures In Babywearing said...

Ohhhhhh my. I have too many of these moments to count. Can so relate!!

Also- miss you!


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The Bearded Iris said...

LOVE THE FACE! Too funny!

Oh yes, the poopies. I'd rather change the cat box with my face than deal with a diaper explosion.

Has either of your kids figured out how to take off their diaper and finger paint with their stool yet? I still have nightmares about that clean up.

And no, I can't tell you my worst parenting moment because I would probably be arrested and as bad as I can be under duress, I'm better than foster care.

HeatherCurleeNovak said...

Liz we have that and a few strainers toys go in....we do not have a rule to get them out of tub after play...YET. I smell a 'family meeting' coming.

Steph--YES! I'm calling you. I miss you too. It is ridiculous one can stay home and yet be so busy!

Iris...changing the catbox with your face? You are priceless with the wordsmithing. I bow low to you, my Witty Queen. And poopy dipes vs. catbox face? Really? I would LOVE to do the dipe.