What is Thong With This Picture?

Dearest Sweet Child Woman With Your Thong Hanging Out Last Night,

You are a beautiful woman; blond, slender and shy of fortyish in your years. Maybe you fancy yourself sexy, and maybe he does too: great! God knows as a married Mama of two babies under three I struggle to find my sexy most days. Red lipstick and a shower is how close I get some weeks. But even when going for sexy vixen(probably-sans-kids-requiring-TV-turned-on-and-door-locked-for-a-toss-because-we-are-too-tired-before-or-after-sleeping), the rest of us really do not want to see your loveliness. Or at least your loveliness in the derriere department.

It makes us laugh awkwardly. It makes us feel sorry for you. It makes us check our own bra straps, waistbands and hems. It upsets us more on your behalf because we could be you. We might have been you another night out. It upsets us because we are laughing so hard at your fashion misstep that we forget to care about you as another woman, another human being. Instead we only look at your thong. All four inches of your thong hanging out over the top of your pants. We could understand if it was a simple sliver of lacy satin. We could forgive that and perhaps even allow it to remind us of our own sexiness. You did tug your shirt down in the back a few times as all ten of us watched morbidly fascinated. You must have felt the breeze one of us said. So maybe it was unintentional. But four inches of skin and thong above your pants feels more Britney Spears intentional than Marilyn Monroe accidental.

Do you know what we think this says about you? That you need to dress that way to feel good. (Unless it was a total accident, which I cannot imagine.) It says you have no idea how beautiful you truly are. It tells us you do not know you have value beyond your beauty. It says you do not know any one of us would be lucky to be friends with you. Or at the very least it says you do not check out your whole outfit in a mirror before you leave the house. Thank you for reminding us to do so more frequently. I think I will seek the great fashion advice for anyone and Mamas in particular here. And here.

I asked my friends if there was a way to tell you. I said "Should we tell her? How could we help her?" I was ashamed of myself even as I took your picture sneakily over my shoulder. I sent it to my husband and to two of my friends sitting at the table to lengthen the joke. I'm ashamed to admit that. The text message was the same as this post title. "What's Thong With This Picture?" I was so overcome by the social humor and I think I felt better about the prim length of my skirt or the fact that I had showered for the first time that day only an hour earlier. I put makeup and perfume on for my girlfriends and I wonder if my husband wished I was perched on a barstool next to him with a thong hanging out instead.

I love Jesus and try to see people like he sees them but I am pretty sure He wouldn't have made fun of you, Dear Sweet Child Woman with your thong hanging out. I am upset with you for that too. For unwillingly creating the scene where my worst character traits ran rampant. I'm a weak person and I love a good laugh. I had one at your expense last night and I rather wish I hadn't. Why was I so thrilled to double over laughing at you? What a sad thing that says about me. I was particularly convicted in my email inbox this morning by this.

Let me ask you readers, what should we have done? Should we have said something? Will you forgive us for being so unkind? We didn't mean to hurt Thong Woman as a person and yet even with our exchanges at our table I wonder if we hurt ourselves? Or as my friend Laura says is it ok to make fun of someone who could "help it"? She doesn't make fun of truly unfortuneate people or situations. This women who truly should know better or did know and thus opens herself to our scorn amusement, Laura says people who should know better and could help themselves are open season. What do you think? Have you found yourself in a similar situation and whatever did you do? What do you wish you had done?

NOTE: I do not speak for any of my ladyfriends. I use 'we' as in the "Royal We", meaning my opinion is so important (or I fancy it so) that it could be extended to everyone around me. Which is not at all true.


Anonymous said...

It's so easy to make fun of people like this, and, yes, most of us would do the exact same thing, dear. I think, though, that it DOES say something about our own insecurities when we do this, though. At least we don't look like THAT, so we must be doing something right....and thus we are superior to her. It's human nature--and you are human. At least you felt bad about it the next day! Most people would not have...
See you soon,

HeatherCurleeNovak said...

Thanks for the comment Whitney! I wish instead of feeling bad about it the next day I just didn't feel that way the first day! Alas. LOL.